i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
