alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
