fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
