my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
