I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
