there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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