Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
