I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize