so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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