it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
