please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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