is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
