Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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