i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
