Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
