I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
