I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize