Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
