okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
