bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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