Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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