The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
