Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
