I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
