Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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