My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
