so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
