The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize