I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
