: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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