Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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