Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
