We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
sarcasm needs its own font
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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