Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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