Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
