she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
