how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
