cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
