Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
