The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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