you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize