So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
