Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
