Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
