I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
