I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
