I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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