You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
