after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
