I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
