i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
