I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
