just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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