when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
