they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
