I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
