I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
