somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
