i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
