Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
