good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
