another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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