We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
