Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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