I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize