very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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