My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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