Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
