Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
