The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
