Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
