at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
