yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
