Non-Jews are for practice
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
